I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
