My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
