Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
