I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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