I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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