everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
