i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
