You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
