I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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