We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
