Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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