I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
