how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
