So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
