Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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