he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
