Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
