I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They have beer where we have blood.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
