Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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