Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
