You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
