you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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