Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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