the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
