When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
