At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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