I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
