Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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