He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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