Already got asked if we're dating
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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