Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
be right there i have to get my cape
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
