you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
