My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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