I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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