Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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