I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
