just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
