are you so shy because you have an std?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
