It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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