i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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