I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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