theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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