wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's the barista slut.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
