They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
