my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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