just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
