he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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