ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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