Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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