His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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