erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
