Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just made me feel so damn special
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
