just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
