I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
