Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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